When a game is great, it can transport you in the same way as a really exceptional book or movie. Not every game is great, though, and sometimes a title just straight up shouldn't have been made. As I've noted elsewhere, 2008 had some games that will set the bar for years to come, but the year also had games that -- how do I put this? -- may have lowered the bar. Actually, they may have lowered your IQ, just by exposure. Here are some of the biggest stinkers of 2008.
TNA iMPACT! (Midway)
Say what you want about the sport of wrestling, but some of the most enjoyable games of all time have been based on it. Since the days of the N64, developers have been setting worthwhile games in the ring. Now Total Nonstop Action Wrestling, Jeff Jarrett's upstart promotional company, is trying to compete in the wrestling-games market with "TNA iMPACT!," a game where even the typesetting is annoying. It wouldn't have been hard to make a decent game, but "iMPACT!" is watered-down and glitchy, predictable where televised TNA matches are outlandish. Save your money on this one, kids.
Worms: A Space Oddity (THQ)
Hey, here's an idea: nobody else gets to name their crappy game after an Arthur C. Clarke novel or a David Bowie song. We've all played a "Worms" game at some point, probably on a cell phone; the premise involves worms trying to blow each other off the planet. Sounds cool, right? But it definitely wasn't suitable for the Wii. The game is slow, and comes saddled with a horrendous interface and confusing controls. The Wiimote, which has allowed for some of the most intuitive gameplay in years, is used here in an extremely ham-handed way. You’ll shut this thing off after about 10 minutes, still not having figured out what to do and who you are in the game.
Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People (Telltale)
You know, "Homestar Runner" got me through a lot of class breaks in college, and I'll never forget that. It was fun, non-abrasive humor. Unrepentant sociopath and breakout star Strong Bad got his own game for the Wii this year, and it's one of the most awful games I've ever touched. Worse, it's not even funny. All you do is walk around and talk to other characters, pick stuff up and make comments. That's it. I can't remember the last time I've regretted a $10 purchase so much.
Haze (Ubisoft)
This game was partially a victim of ridiculous expectations -- we were told it would put to shame both "Halo" and "Gears of War." Actually, the only game it brought shame upon was itself. The PlayStation 3 is doing all right now, but a few more titles like "Haze" and people may just walk away from the console. "Haze" had mediocre gameplay and no plot to speak of; about the most charitable thing you can say about the game is that it was short.
Iron Man (Sega)
I wanted to like this game, I really did. I enjoyed the movie, I love the comic -- so what happened? It turns out the game was a pretty rushed cash-in, probably an undercooked version of something else that got retrofitted with the Iron Man motif. It was extremely repetitive and not as good looking as it should have been -- these aren't qualities you look for in a blind date, and they're not qualities you want in a game either. The gameplay was anonymous, the missions pointless. Tony Stark deserves better.
Ultimate Band (Disney Interactive Studios)
The title of this game recalls those poorly translated Japanese knockoff games you see sometimes, like instead of "Spider-Man" it's "Web Crawl Man." "Ultimate Band" isn't Japanese, but it is a cut-rate version of a much better and more popular game, as well as a huge "what were they thinking" moment for the developers. It plays awful, relies on the Wiimote instead of instrument peripherals and has a terrible song selection. Anyone who really cares about playing fake rock music is going to throw down the extra cash for "Rock Band," and they absolutely should. This game might be great for tots, but not for the fake-music elite.
FaceBreaker (EA Sports)
Let's get one thing straight: there will never be another "Punch-Out!!" (unless a true version comes out for the Wii). Still, "FaceBreaker" tried to muscle into the "cartoony fighting game" market, and ended up falling way short. The premise of the game was to break your opponent's face. Big whoop; I live in Queens, and don’t need a game for that.
Golden Axe: Beast Rider (Sega)
For those of you who are fans of the "Golden Axe" franchise, I truly feel bad for you. "Beast Rider" was a clumsy and awkward game that really did nothing but made you want to shoot your TV. If a game is going to be this hard, it should at least be, you know, fun. Sega seems to have been hoping old-school "Golden Axe" fans would boost sales for this title, but I'm telling you right now, don’t waste your time.
What's Cooking? with Jamie Oliver (Atari)
What is cooking with Jamie Oliver? The famous chef stars in his own game, a cooking tutorial. That's right, it’s a video game about making food -- on a screen. You are cooking -- in a video game narrated by Jamie Oliver. This is exactly what is wrong with society. A cooking video game -- I cannot stress that enough.
Fracture (LucasArts)
"Fracture" had the potential to be a decent game, but it just fell on its ear. The developers basically smashed together every character, plot device and setting of every shooter/action RPG to come down the pike in the last couple of years. Then they rammed it down your throat in a predicable and extremely repetitive way. Was it supposed to be serious, or tongue in cheek? Was it all a great prank? Did Andy Kaufman design a video game? I got bored before I found out the answer.
