I remember when I first visited Wikipedia. In my mind, the memory stands out with the same clarity as my first time drinking booze, an occasion that my first Wikipedia visit was not totally unlike. Both milestones resulted in me getting drunk (on knowledge) and reaching an intellectual high. One involved my exposure to the collective wisdom of thousands, while the other let me understand the wisdom already contained in my knowledge of Comedy Central programs, but spiritually they sit very close in my heart.
It was toward the end of my senior year in high school, and I had to create a presentation on alternative fuels for AP Chemistry. The class was in the computer lab, jousting for limited internet bandwidth. While other people were browsing Facebook and laughing about their ability to tag their friends' names to hundreds of pictures of various fat men, I was doing conscientious work, hoping to put biodiesel in every fuel tank.
Google was helping me out with this project (though we weren't as good friends as we'd later become&;lt;/span>), and it seemed that every query turned up at least one Wikipedia link on the first page. This was around the time when Wikipedia had surpassed critical mass exposure, and everything in the world came with a blue hyperlink stapled to it.
At any rate, I checked out Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit. Then I realized that since knowledge is power, I was drunk on power. I promptly used the information contained in the article about military tactics to conquer Persia.
The natural progression from there seemed to be to try and conquer the internet itself, but I was not able to take over Wikipedia, and had to settle for controlling all the world’s pornography. Musing idly atop my golden throne, I surveyed the landscape and noticed a number of other, smaller Wikis, less world-renowned but much more lovingly detailed. Herein I offer a sampling of the best wikis on the internet, just waiting to be plucked like fruit from a tree. But instead of a fruit tree, some kind of -- bear with me -- like a tree that grows knowledge or something. Some kind of... knowledge... tree.
Wookieepedia
Wookieepedia is the "Star Wars" wiki. It has summaries of, and trivia about, the six main "Star Wars" films, the 3D animated "Clone Wars" movie, the extended-universe books, and "The Star Wars Holiday Special," which was broadcast on CBS in 1978. Its descriptions of various battles, species and starship schemata are likely to be more than sufficient for whatever purpose you have in mind, and if they're not, I don't want to hear about it.
Much like Wikipedia, Wookieepedia sometimes goes right up to the edge of usefulness, without actually entering that territory. You can learn the finer points of lightsaber combat, but nowhere can you find instructions about how to actually build one. Where am I supposed to get a nextor crystal? Can I use a healing crystal from the hippie smoke shop down the street? If I do, will I end up with a lightsaber that heals instead of cutting? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ENHANCE THE CONQUERING POWER OF MY TROOPS?
Memory Alpha
Memory Alpha is the leading wiki-authority on "Star Trek." I find it a bit lacking, though. If "Star Trek" really depicts the future of the galaxy, then why does the future history of Earth contain nothing about Wikipedia? How can a chronology of our future omit any mention of the great metastasization of human knowledge? Doesn’t anybody in the future care about how many species of Pokémon there are? Why didn’t George Takei invite me to his wedding? So many questions left unanswered. The future is a grim place indeed.
A list of significant "Star Trek" characters on Memory Alpha notes that the list is "in alphabetical order; Bajoran surnames come first however." Friend, we didn't need to be told.
Recipes Wiki
Recipes Wiki is an open-source collection of recipes. (It's not to be confused with Recipes-Wiki, which is smaller and crappier.) Of all the wikis I encountered while researching this article, Recipes Wiki has to be my favorite. It was here that I learned that dousing raw chicken in grain alcohol and setting it on fire was, you'll forgive me, in poor taste. It also contained instructions on how to exploit my arch-nemesis’s deadly peanut allergy.
The only thing I didn’t like about Recipes Wiki was the way it tried to convince me that my Coeliac Disease made me unable to process the gluten in wheat products. How can I celebrate Passover without matzo bread? How am I supposed to convince Rachel Golding to marry me and give me her family’s money if she thinks I’m irreligious? Intestinal cancer be damned, I will have my matzo!
Muppet Wiki
Muppet Wiki lets me know everything I want to know about my one true love, Miss Piggy. I have searched all of the Public Broadcasting Station’s studios for her, but I cannot find her anywhere; all I have are the traces of her presence. Sometimes I think to myself that perhaps this is a love that is never meant to be. She’s a wire puppet and a fictional character, and I’m the last Yahoo! stockholder and a sock puppet. But when the Übermensch is stripped of everything, he still has hope -- I will not give up!
Still, I am saddened by the reminder of my unrequited love. I have grown, but I have grown around an emptiness. I sit on my throne in my chamber alone, with the knowledge that I am forever -– Yes, my manservant? Bring the visitor into my chamber. I... who... Miss Piggy! –- Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, I must end this article here.
